Seven

So if you feel as if you have no one left to turn to, no one left to listen to you, try turning to and listening to yourself. You may think there’s no one in the world who can understand you, and you may be right, but there’s always you. You are the most important person in the whole world, so don’t forget it!

When the day is gloomy and rain clouds threaten to drench your poor soul, kick those clouds in the pants and say, “Goodbye, gloom!” You make of your life whatever you want; if you want to be a doctor, then by golly, go out and be a doctor!* Just stop complaining. No one likes a complainer, especially a gloomy one. If you feel you must say things out loud, then at least have the courtesy to make them cheerful.

“I don’t want to be a doctor,” you say, petulantly. Very well, become a pilot, or nurse (if you’re a girl) or even a priest. God loves priests, and you can get all the best parking spots, although that’s not really the best reason to become a priest. Handicapped people, too. They get good parking spots as well.**

Whatever you choose to do with your life, do it with gusto! And remember what Albert Einstein said so many years ago: “If I hadn’t been so smart, I would have ended up collecting other people’s garbage!” So don’t be a lazy lout; go get the future you want! And always keep in mind our three part strategy:

1. Don’t criticize others unless you are in the right
2. Don’t worry about tomorrow; anything you break today can be easily fixed
3. Don’t throw away anything made of metal or plastic. They will be rare someday after the Apocalypse, and if you have them, you’ll be rich!***

Thanks for reading, and now, “Go Get ‘em, Tiger!”

*The publisher of this book in no way endorses practicing medicine without a license.
**The publisher of this book in no way recommends becoming handicapped in order to get good parking spots.
***This statement is in no way intended as a guarantee. In the event of an Apocalypse, move to the nearest shelter or army/navy surplus store